The Skill Set Of Getting Dates With Women

It’s no surprise that they guys that get the women are also the guys that intimidate other men.
Having the skill set of introducing yourself to women you don’t know, with confidence, is something that is learned by men, individually, over time. And it’s also the main ingredient of success with women.

The recipe of success with women
You can divide the success with women recipe, so to speak, as a list of individual ingredients that are skills that guys need to learn to use effectively:
Introduction (opening) techniques
Conversational techniques
Information trade (getting email addresses, phone numbers)
Follow-up (closing) skills

The simple steps of any guy’s interaction with women are:
Introduction (opening) techniques – the ability to walk up to any woman, anywhere and introduce yourself in such a way that “get lost!” is not in the woman’s vocabulary.
Conversational (framing) techniques – the ability to start small talk and interest in the woman you want to talk with. Being able to start any conversation (the talk after the introduction) that the woman will not only understand but will appreciate being involved in. Also involves reading her basic body language to see if she’s tensing up (rejecting) or starting to accept (relax and submit) to your advance.
Information trade (getting email addresses, phone numbers) – the ability to move from the conversation to getting her email address and/or phone number so you can contact her later. You want to make a woman you just met comfortable enough, and attracted enough, to give you her personal information without hesitation.
Follow-up (closing) skills – the ability to know when to end the conversation, in effect walk away from her in such a way that she will be waiting in anticipation for your email or your phone to her call the next day.

In essence when can you confidently walk up to an attractive woman and say “Hi, I saw you looking my way and guessed that if I didn’t tell you to stop soon I’d have to call a cop and report you for stalking” you’ve got what it takes to make interest and attraction happen.
Can you move from that initial cocky opening line (or some other opening line) to being able to continue the conversation in such a way that the woman is neither offended or creeped out? You can as long as you can read her reactions to know if your next step is to say “Hey, you’re not her, my stalker has brown (a different color) hair” or just turning tail and walking away.
Of course, the real answer is any next sentence that you say to her that allows you to move past your introduction to having her answer you in a positive way. The next couple of words out of your mouth need to be framed in such a way that she relaxes in body language movements allowing you to continue. Relaxing body language movements include her straightening her blouse sleeves or pants/skirt, adjusting or primping her hair around her face, a slight touch to your sleeve or hand as well as sitting up straight and pulling her shoulders back and chest forward.
After continuing the conversation for a few minutes (don’t overstay your introduction and framing conversation) you need to move to the information trade and get her phone number. A simple “It’s nice to meet you, I have to get back to my friends/table/get my drink/meal (whatever), can I have your phone number and we can continue this conversation again?” will allow you to complete your frame and include your close to getting her number. Keep in mind, you’re after dates here, not a score. Getting women’s email address and phone numbers, and sparking their initial interest in you, is your goal.

So-called ‘alpha males’, the leaders of the pack, usually have an innate ability to use these ingredients to their advantage without any extra learning materials being needed. Then there is the rest of us.

I’ve found very helpful online resources for the guys like us, so be sure to visit them. You may not become the “leader of the pack” but your success in being able to approach women, to be able to start conversations, get phone numbers and close the conversation with her having a high interest level in you will skyrocket. They are all available in one place: www.aLoveLinksPlus.com.

Reluctant to use what works

Hi,

I’ve been reading your book and think it’s great. I’ve been able to score with women from 20 to 35 (the older women are wayyy better!) and it’s all because I follow the C+F thing right down to the last thing I say.

I have these babes calling me all the time!

My question:

How do I choose which one I stay with?

Thanks, Dan

Hi Dan,

I’m very sorry to have made your life so difficult! — LOL –

But this is one YOU have to decide. But trust me, when she’s with you, you’ll know it.

Three Steps To Your First Date

There are some guys that never seem to be able to date the women they want. They don’t know how to act around women, they feel clumsy and awkward… the list goes on why these guys strike out time and time again.

If this sounds like you, or someone you know, read on because I’m going to blow the whole scene open about meeting women and getting dates in three easy to follow steps.

1. Identify and Approach

2. Chat Up and Get Her Number/Email

3. Call Her Up/Email and Make A Date Plan With Her

1 2 3 … just as easy as pie.

Are you ready to go out and meet some women now? What? You want a little more info?

OK then, I’ll be happy to oblige.

Step 1: Identify and Approach
If you’re going to be sure that you have some success with women it’s important that you identify the women that you have a decent chance to talk to and that you approach them with the goal of getting their attention in an attraction-inspiring way. If a woman is sitting at a bar and she’s wearing a wedding ring, she’s not really a great person to try to date, is she? She might be funny, beautiful, easy-going but she’s married. You’re better off trying to hit on your nest friend’s sister. On the opposite end of the scale is hitting on the waitress that’s serving you. Dude, she’s nice to you because she works for tips. And maybe she is good looking and responsive to you but keep in mind, going after a waitress ruins your chances with any and all other women in the place forever! Or at least a couple of months after she quits working there. If you want to date the waitress, understand the consequences.
So, you’ve spotted a single (hopefully) good looking woman. You’ve identified. Now you need to approach. Keep in mind that women have heard every standard pickup line there ever was, either from the pickup line being used on them before, reading it in an article or seeing it in a movie. To make your approach friendly, funny and not obvious you need to be uniquely yourself. Throw out all the pre-programmed lines you’ve memorized and learn to say something funny on the spot and “in the moment”. Being funny on the spot and in the moment talks a lot of practice but any guy can learn this technique and you can practice it anywhere.

Step 2: Chat Up and Get Her Number/Email
This step should never take more than 3 minutes. The guys that are naturally at ease with women know that you have to be friendly, funny, attracted to her and put her at ease all within the first few seconds of approaching her. This means you need to understand body language (hers and yours), you have to project confidence (body language and spoken word) and you need to have an exit plan so you don’t overstay your welcome talking with her, and bore her, as well as leaving her wanting more of you to make it all the more likely that she will have high interest when you do contact her next.
If she’s standing, you stand. If she’s sitting, you sit or kneel beside her. “Hi, I see you have ordered one of this place’s specials the ‘drink from a dirty glass’ –” laughter, and more small talk about this place, other places like it, why my mom would never come here (or dad, aunt, college professor). Then say “Thanks for meeting you” get up and start to walk away. Take a couple of steps, stop and turn around “Hey, do you have email?” and get her address, or say “Can we continue this later? What’s your phone number?”. GGG (Get it – Got It – Go Away).
It’s likely that you will feel as you walk away that you were really doing well with her, that you left her too early, and maybe you were doing well. But the whole idea of attraction and creating interest with women is that the emotion of her wanting you is accomplished in stages. Maybe you’ll catch up with her later that evening, maybe you’ll call or email her tomorrow. Just don’t rush anything. And the sooner you excuse yourself and walk away after chatting her up and getting her info the better you’ll be thought of, the more she’ll be interested in you and you wouldn’t have had the opportunity to blow it with her by continuing talking and trying too hard to be funny, interesting and charming. When you leave women interested, you leave them interested in YOU. And that, my friend, is magical.

Step 3: Call Her Up/Email and Make A Date Plan With Her
There are all kinds of rules when a guy should first call a girl. I’ve heard of the 7 day rule for calling a girl back, the three day rule for calling her back, the leave a message only rule where you call only knowing she won’t be home so you can leave her a voice mail, the only talk to her rule where you hang up and don’t leave a voice mail.
There are all kinds of rules for when to call a girl back. My rule for you is: whatever you are comfortable with as longs as it’s a “date time” call.

Here’s a bad example:
You meet her on Tuesday night, you talk with her, the vibes are right, you get her number and leave. You’ve left her wanting more of you. Excellent. Then you call her Wednesday morning to get a date. She doesn’t answer. You call again later Wednesday. No answer and you leave a message. You call again Thursday, twice, maybe three times. “After all”, you tell yourself “We really hit it off, I’m sure she likes me” so calling a couple of times isn’t a big deal.

Dude, you are just so wrong!

Here’s the great example:

When the vibes are right the connection will be made. My rule for you is to call on a sliding scale. Example, same as above: Meet Tuesday and call her Thursday, after work hours (or before if she works a late shift). If you don’t talk to her, yes do leave a message like this for her “Hi, Just trying to reconnect with you. I found a place that makes the best coffee in the city. Call me back and I’ll let you buy me a cup!”.

If you didn’t talk to her on Thursday, you’ve left a message and she still didn’t call you back, then your next call with be Saturday or Sunday afternoon, depending on your availability. If you still don’t talk to her and she doesn’t call back your last call to her will be the following Wednesday or Thursday. Don’t change your tone of voice, don’t sound desperate to get together with her, just say “Still waiting for that cup of coffee, but now you owe me a piece of pie too!” and leave it at that. She calls then great, she doesn’t well you didn’t use up all your cell phone minutes on her.

Some women flake out. They are friendly to guys but have other games, and other men, to play. Don’t be a victim yourself. Don’t get hung up on one woman when you’re out in search of dateable women. You don’t have to romance every woman that you get a number or email from but you do have to keep working on finding the woman that is worth all the extra time and effort of yours.

Author Resources:
Robert Lee is the editor of www.aLoveLinksPlus.com, the source for online dating advice and dating service reviews since 1999. Article (c) 2010 and is published with permission
Visit: http://www.alovelinksplus.com for more great dating advice

Frame Yourself To Be Successful With Women

Knowing that your body language always speaks first to women, you need to know how to control this hidden communication and use it to your advantage.

When you’re about to approach a woman what goes through your mind?
“I need something funny to say, a great opening line”
“She’s hot, I hope she likes how I look”
“She’s a higher class than me, do I have a chance?”
She’s older than me…”
“She’s younger than me…”
And all kinds of other fears that put you in a bad place, a bad frame of mind, that will defeat your approach almost every time. (I say almost because some women are incredibly forgiving but they’re the 1% you almost never meet and let you get away with being a dork.)

I call this “The frame of your brain falls mainly into plain”.

You make poorly distinguishable eye contact; you don’t read her body language for her “come closer to me” signals; your attempts at easy conversation fall on her deaf ears because your confidence is so lacking that no matter what you say it comes across as unimportant or just a bad pickup line.

When you can stand out from the other men around you, you’ve become in control of your frame.
You understand women’s body language, and you understand the signals she’s sending you as you make your approach. Most of all, you know what to say and how to say it to transition from “nice-looking-stranger-guy” to the “guy that makes me laugh and has my attention” in her mind and attraction state.

This is called “creating attraction”.

This is what your goal is with every woman you meet, whether it’s a waitress and you want to encourage her to give you great service, she’s a store clerk and you’re going to ask for a discount, or she’s a hottie and you want more than her phone number.

There are three things you can do with yourself that will instantly build you up, make you seem more confident and appealing with any woman that see you and more commanding around other men. You may think that you’ve been told these things before and maybe you have, but not like this!

Eye contact
Smile
Posture

Now we’ll handle these three important affects head on.

Eye Contact
Flirting, creating intimacy and maintaining a confident frame starts with how you use your eyes.
You see her and you lock eyes. If you’re talking with someone else, keep your eyes on her, only looking at the person you are talking with in short pauses. This “eye locking” technique shows interest, and more than that, if you’re talking with someone else at the same time you keep eye contact with her then you are showing how you want her to be involved in your conversation, how important your interest is in her (because you’re looking at her while talking with a third person) and as you keep her eyes locked on yours you are intoning an invitation to get together and introduce yourself and talk with her.

Smile
Surely you’ve heard of “Helen of Troy” whose smile launched a thousand ships. And the “Mona Lisa” with a particularly enigmatic smile that has attracted viewers for centuries. And everyone has seen a clown with his painted on smile. These smiles have particular places in history. But how does your smile rate? Could you “launch a thousand ships”? Could you attract and generate an attractive aura with your smile when you enter a room, when you meet someone new, when you are with friends?
Yes you can, and this is how:
When you are first facing someone, whether standing nearby or across a room (even a webcam) don’t start off with a big clown smile. Big smiles, when your smile starts big, can be intimidating and a big turnoff, this type of “first glance” smile can even be viewed as aggressive!
Start your smile slowly, a second or two after making eye contact. Let your smile grow to fullness over two seconds. A nice slow blooming of you smile is a signal that says “I’m friendly and very interested in you”. And this smile works every time! I want you to practice this smile for the next couple of days, first using your webcam or a mirror, then with real people as your audience.
You will be amazed at the results you get all from a simple smile that starts slow and envelopes your target.

Posture
Mother always said “sit up straight, no slouching!”. We never listened and we never learned positive posture. Well, my friend, now is the time. I want you to first off start watching the people around you. Watch carefully for who is popular, who is confident, watch carefully for the people that command attention. Do you see how they stand? Head straight, shoulders back, stomach in, feet slightly apart. In real life and even on TV you’ll see the same types of stances of people. The basics of good posture are also the body language that commands respect and attention.
You’re likely sitting right now. I want you to stand up, slowly. Uncoil yourself from your chair, plant your feet firmly on the ground and slightly apart, push the chair back while standing up, straighten your legs and back together. Hold your stance and push your shoulders back. This is standing with proper posture. This body language makes people take notice of you. When you enter a room, this tall posture stance is how you come in and take command of the room. Practice this posture stance and walk for a few days and it will become a more permanent part of your instinctive routine. And a huge part of getting people to notice you.

This is the basic frame of creating an attractive body and personality. Eye contact that is intriguing, smiles that are effective and posture that is commanding.

Author Resources:
Robert Lee is the editor of www.aLoveLinksPlus.com, the source for online dating advice and dating service reviews since 1999. Article (c) 2010 and is published with permission
Visit: http://www.alovelinksplus.com for more great dating advice